Prelude to crossings

August 21st, 2012 | Alina Müller

 

 

‘As soon as I desire […] I am not merely for here-and-now, sealed into thingness. I am for somewhere else and for something else’ (Frantz Fanon)

What turns desire into obsession?

I remember my decision to leave Sweden as a moment of total certainty, perhaps the only one quite like it to date. It was a  decision that came to colour all my interactions and thoughts until that day when I finally boarded the flight to Italy with a big smile on my face. At the bottom of the escalator at International Departures at Landvetter Aiport, my father, who minutes earlier had handed me a one-dollar bill for luck, held a comforting arm around my mother’s shoulders as they waved  goodbye to their 19 year old daughter. In my mind, it was just like Frantz Fanon described it. I was for somewhere else and staying wasn’t even a contemplated possibility.

My father decided to leave his home country at an even earlier age. Looking back, he once described the feeling to me not so much as a desire but as a form of obsession. His country, unlike Sweden, was not quite as easy to leave. He spoke about spending countless evenings filled with coffee and cigarettes imagining the future ‘over there’ and eventually planning in great detail a route across the border. Before he eventually managed to leave, he would graduate from high school, get a university degree, complete military service, be arrested by the border police for attempting to cross the border, loose his job teaching philosophy as a result and work in a furniture factory for long enough to make his daughter a baby chair.

People today continue to arrive in border towns with the same desire. As controls are tightened and fences built, they spend their days trying to find a way to make it to the ‘better’ side, often repeatedly failing and repeatedly reattempting to get across. Consumed by being in a constant state of fear and longing and often struggling to survive, they eventually get to a point where they can imagine only one release, reaching their destination. I suspect that it is this condition, that finds its extreme expression in these ‘giant waiting rooms for migrants’, where the urgency to leave meets the violence of repeatedly coming up against borders, that ultimately turns a perfectly reasonable desire into an all-consuming obsession.

10 Responses to “Prelude to crossings”

  1. Autism LMAO says:

    I turned around and took off running into the desert area behind the gas station. Bullets were flying past me so I turned around, pulled out a machine gun, and started rocking out like Rambo. I mowed down 4 Mexicans as they chased me and I sent them straight to hell with my machine gun. I got far enough away from the exploding gas station which was now on massive fire and ducked down behind a large cactus and looked back and saw a police helicopter flying towards my location with it’s search lights beaming down towards me. I knew they would discover me within about 60 seconds so I had no choice. I pulled out my portable rocket launcher, loaded it, and then fired a guided mini-missile and blew up the chopper. Right before it hit the helicopter I saw the horrified expressions of the two pilots, one male and one female, as they saw the missile coming and knew they were about to get blown straight to hell. To read more, go to http://www.AutisticWritings.com

  2. Autism LMAO says:

    I’m an autistic person and one of the things I enjoy doing is writing funny/random crazy stories that make me laugh (maybe they make you laugh too?) My blog is at http://www.AutisticWritings.com Maybe you’d also consider giving a small donation to help me survive? Life as an autistic person is kind of difficult to say the least, and it’s especially difficult to survive financially and so that is why I am requesting donations. Please check my blog for ways you can donate. Thank you very much for your kindness!

  3. I have been checking out some of your stories and i must say clever stuff. I will surely bookmark your website.

  4. {In my years of expert research” I can say, with calculated evidence, that twerk dancing originated in dance establishments known

  5. The Autism Dada…

    I found a great……

  6. I’m farly new to ASD and moving forward. I’m always searching for info and found some help with this article. Thanks for sharing.

  7. Sang says:

    Useful info. Fortunate me I found your site unintentionally, and I am surprised why this twist of fate did not came about in advance! I bookmarked it.

  8. You are absolutely correct and I understand you. Whenever you wish, we might as well chat around apps for android phones, something that fascinates me. Your site is definitely great, regards!

  9. twerking says:

    girls are genius when it comes to mixing the art of dancing and the art of becoming attractive at the exact same time.|The suit described the abuse suffered by girls at the northern Minnesota

  10. It’s genuinely very complex in this full of activity life to listen news on Television, thus I simply use web
    for that purpose, and get the most recent information.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>